| Table manners are a murky subject. We all | | | | ages 4 and 2, and a third on the way. The mom |
| remember our mothers telling us *something* | | | | didn't speak German, and I didn't speak Arabic, so |
| over and over at dinner time. "Mets ta main sur la | | | | the dad helped us communicate in broken |
| table!" was my Mom's refrain (French for "Put | | | | German. For the most part, we made do with |
| your hand on the table!"). Would a Chinese, Iranian | | | | gestures and drawing pictures. We enjoyed each |
| or Nigerian child hear the same thing? In many | | | | others' company. |
| American homes I've heard, "Chew with your | | | | One occasion stands out vividly in my mind. I had |
| mouth closed," and, "Don't talk with your mouth | | | | been over in the afternoon and was served |
| full." | | | | coffee and cookies while we were looking at |
| If you asked me what good French table | | | | family pictures. I wasn't used to drinking coffee, |
| manners encompass, I would probably be able to | | | | and theirs was very strong. I had drunk what |
| come up with about a dozen rules. The other 150 | | | | was in my little cup and was offered more. Even |
| I couldn't tell you until I saw you breaking them. | | | | though I declined, I was served more. I drank it |
| What's considered appropriate and polite is | | | | as slowly as I could, my head already buzzing. |
| ingrained in each of us. It's stored in our | | | | When I got to the end of that cup and thanked |
| subconscious and we don't even know it. The only | | | | my host and made it clear that I really didn't want |
| way we find out is when we have a gut reaction | | | | any more. She got up and made more. |
| to what someone else is doing and just know it's | | | | Why would she make more coffee when I just |
| "wrong." Especially at the table, our reactions tend | | | | said I had had plenty? I didn't want to be rude, so |
| to be visceral and we're quick to judge something | | | | I drank the new cup. I decided to get up and |
| as "disgusting." | | | | leave right after finishing, so she couldn't give me |
| Imagine you're preparing for your first trip to a | | | | more and escape the situation. What was going |
| new country. You can make yourself understood | | | | on? |
| in your new language, at least you can order your | | | | The mystery was solved several weeks later, |
| food. You know you have a few business meals | | | | when I invited my friend and her two little girls to |
| scheduled--how do you know to be polite? | | | | come over for some cake and apple juice. It only |
| Here are a few points you want to be clear on | | | | dawned on me after they had left--there was |
| before you go: | | | | cake left on every plate, and apple juice in every |
| 1. Seating arrangements | | | | cup. Bingo! |
| Are there seats around the table that are | | | | In their tradition, you show your host that you've |
| reserved for the guest of honor, or the host? Do | | | | had enough by leaving a little in your glass and |
| you wait to be seated or are you supposed to | | | | thereby demonstrating that you are satisfied. My |
| know where to sit? Do couples sit together? Do | | | | diligence in drinking up all the coffee in my cup |
| men and women eat together? What about | | | | was a sign for her that she hadn't given me |
| children? Sitting in the wrong spot might be rude | | | | enough and she would make more and more until |
| and make your host uncomfortable. | | | | I left some in there. How rude I must have |
| 2. Eating utensils | | | | appeared to her to "demand" so much coffee! |
| One of my favorite things to do with my German | | | | In the country of your choice, how do you signal |
| class is to take them to a German restaurant and | | | | that you'd like more, or that you're done? Are |
| show them how to eat with the fork in their left | | | | you supposed to eat all that's on your plate? How |
| hand, the knife in the right and ask them to not | | | | many courses will the meal have? Do you need |
| switch hands. They realize how awkward it is, and | | | | to "save some space" for what's coming? What |
| we've had many a good laugh at seeing someone | | | | do you do with parts of the food that can't be |
| missing their mouth with the fork because the | | | | eaten--peels, bones and such? |
| student couldn't find it with their left hand! | | | | 5. I don't eat "X" |
| I'm sure that if you are from an Asian country, | | | | Refusing food is considered rude just about |
| you have a great time watching frustrated | | | | anywhere. Your host has spent hours preparing a |
| Westerners handle their chopsticks and chasing a | | | | meal, and you're not going to eat what's on the |
| piece of food around the plate... | | | | table? What if you're offered food that you |
| I remember my first few meals in India. We were | | | | psychologically can't handle, or if you know that |
| in Chennai (Madras) and getting used to eating | | | | your business partners can tolerate way more |
| with our (right!) hand. A waiter took us on as an | | | | alcohol than you? |
| education project and showed us just how this is | | | | Some situations are tricky. My father tells of |
| to be done: stay close to your banana leaf, don't | | | | several occasions where he was the honored |
| tilt your head back, move the food into your | | | | guest at a business meal in China. He was offered |
| mouth swiftly... and don't make a mess. It's easier | | | | the "best" pieces--parts of animals that he had |
| said than done! | | | | never considered eating before. There was no |
| Sometimes, the utensils used vary with the food | | | | way out, and refusing would have been a slight to |
| that's being served. Can you eat fruit with your | | | | the hosts. What to do? "Augen zu und durch!" A |
| hands? Is there a knife dedicated for eating fish? | | | | German expression to say: "Close your eyes and |
| A glass for just one type of beverage? | | | | go through with it!" |
| Find out about the placement of eating utensils, | | | | If there are things you absolutely can't stomach, |
| too. There are particular ways of placing | | | | come up with a good reason for refusing. |
| chopsticks before and after the meal, the teapot | | | | Generally, religious reasons and health concerns |
| shouldn't point in specific directions, a knife and | | | | ("my doctor said") are acceptable. Be sure to be |
| fork should be placed parallel when you're done | | | | consistent! |
| eating, the napkin (or absence thereof) can be a | | | | 6. Communicate! |
| problematic prop--the list is varied and endless. | | | | Before you go, find someone who can coach you |
| 3. Noise or no noise? | | | | during a meal. Ask the person to point out any |
| As much as Europeans consider noisy eaters to | | | | grave mistakes and possible deadends. Be as |
| be rude, silent eaters can be judged as rude | | | | prepared as you can. One resource that has |
| elsewhere. Are you supposed to slurp, smack | | | | helped me is a Lonely Planet travel guide. It is |
| your lips or burp, or will that get you into trouble? | | | | very superficial, but it will teach you the basics. |
| In some countries, it's not even an issue. Be sure | | | | Even if you think you know the rules, let your |
| to practice ahead of time, as these are some of | | | | host or a colleague know that you're not familiar |
| the hardest habits to change, and doing the | | | | with all aspects of the eating etiquette. This is a |
| *new* thing might have your parents screaming | | | | case where "asking for permission" is preferable |
| in the back of your head! | | | | to "asking for forgiveness!" Then observe |
| 4. Quantities | | | | carefully how everybody else behaves and try |
| I learned a lesson years ago as a student in Berlin. | | | | not to deviate. Good luck! |
| I became friends with my Lebanese | | | | If you want to see just how well you know what |
| neighbors--we were the same age, 20, yet our | | | | you're supposed to do at meals around the world, |
| cultural backgrounds couldn't have been more | | | | take this humorous little test: |
| different. They had two adorable little daughters, | | | | Don't Gross Out The World! |